Things That Make Me Grind My Gears (The Short List)

1. When people stand on top of me in a queue, or just in general.

Exhibit A: I am leaning against a pillar at a tube station. There is loads of space as a tube has just come and taken the bulk of the crowd away. A group of women arrive and stand near me. By near me I mean on top of me. One lady hit me with her purse FOUR times and didn't notice once. Meanwhile, there is enough room to the right, left, and front of them for half an army. I felt like pushing her out of my way.

Exhibit B: I am standing in a queue. The man behind me is standing so close to me he is physically touching me. I inch forward to give myself some space. So does he. I inch forward again. So does he. At this point I am now practically standing on top of the person in front of me.

2. When people get off the train or an escalator and then just stop.

Inevitably they are going to glare at YOU when you run into them.

3. When people walk across the sidewalk in 5 across, forcing you to walk on the street.

Why should I get hit by a car because you are too lazy to move out of the way. When I am in a really bad mood I just plough through the middle. Just because I don't have any friends does not mean I should have to walk on the street with the cars.

4. When people have loud pointless conversations on their mobile in public places just to hear themselves speak.

I don't care what you bought at the Tesco, what you're making for supper for the next four weeks, or when you are giving your child a bath. Nor do I need a running commentary of everything that is happening on the bus/train/street. I don't care if your ex boyfriend is now dating someone else in India, which you only know because you are stalking him on facebook. Please hang up and call back when you don't have 400 people listening to every word you're saying.

5. When women do their make up on the bus/train.

Seriously? Get up 5 minutes earlier.

6. When people are playing their Ipods so loudly I can hear the music at the back of the bus.

Not only is it annoying, but the human ear was not designed to listen to music that loud. You are going to go deaf. I am glaring at you for your own good.

7. When men make rude remarks as you walk down the street.

Has this EVER worked?

8. When people swear excessively in public.

This does not include the odd swear word in a public venue. We're all guilty of that. I am talking about the people who insert a swear word after every single non swear word in their conversation. Do you think you sound cool?

9. When people spit.

There is nothing grosser than looking down on the sidewalk at a big wad of spit. If you cannot resist the urge to spit, please do it off to the side in the grass or something, so I don't have to look at it. Frankly it makes me want to vomit, and I don't think YOU want to see that.

10. When people stand on top of me and smoke.

Why should I have to move to avoid second hand smoke. If you must do it, please move off to the side.

11. When middle class white people try to act like 50 Cent.

Please note, that the older you get the sadder this syndrome becomes.

12. When people throw their garbage all over the train.

There is a bin after every other seat. Get off your lazy ass and put your garbage in it.