A few English oddities...
1. Nobody seems to understand what I am saying half the time: Despite the fact that we speak the same language, most of what I say seems to be misunderstood. For example, last night I tried to order a vodka and orange juice at a pub. The man asked me four times what I was saying before I finally picked up a little bottle of juice to use as a visual aid. It turned out to be a bottle of tonic.... but whatever, at least I got mix. Later the same night, I asked a guy if he had seen my coat. His reply, 'It doesn't matter, the pub's closed, you won't have time to drink it'.
2. Electric showers: It seems to me that this would be a bad combination....
3. Carpet in the bathroom: It's just scuzzy. And the orange shade of our carpet doesn't make it any less revolting.
4. Birthday cakes: When it is your birthday YOU are expected to provide the sweets. Why should I have to bring my own birthday cake for everyone else to enjoy???
5. Rounds: Where I come from, there are three reasons why someone buys you a drink - (a) it's your birthday; (b) they owe you money so pay in drinks instead; or (c) they want to sleep with you. Here people just buy all their friends drinks. Unfortunately this means that you are also expected to provide drinks for everyone.
6. Sweets: They do not sell Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I think this is just an atrocity to human kind. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups should be available globally.
7. Closing Time: Shops close at 6pm almost every day of the week (except they close earlier on Sundays and are sometimes open late Thursdays or on special occasions). This doesn't make a lot of sense because people who have jobs, and can thus afford the goods being sold at said shops, are usually at work during opening hours.... I'm lucky if I'm home by 6 most days, which sucks if I need anything from say, Superdrug or The Gap. And it's not like I even come from a booming Canadian metropolis. The shops in my hometown were open later than in London, one of the biggest cities in the world.
8. Americano: Regular coffee here is referred to as Americano. I refuse to call it by this name because (a) American's did not invent coffee and (b) I know they are thinking 'Oh how cute the American girl is buying American coffee. If that's the case, it should be called Canadiano.
9. American Television: Maybe this has something to do with copyright laws or something, I don't know... but most American television shows are aired here, just MONTHS after they originally air in the U.S. This means that I now have to catch up on my favourites (AHEM LOST) via You Tube (or invest in satellite television). However, American Idol 2008, can air here 2 days after it is broadcast in the U.S.
10. The Kerb: I don't understand this, because it's the same pronunciation phonetically, but CURB is spelt 'kerb'.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
This is the Hardest Story....
I read this book along time ago.... 'He's Just Not That Into You'. I think every single girl should read this book. Not only is it hilarious but it really gives the kick in the pants I think a lot of us need.... That said, Greg quotes a girl in this book that I swear, if he had actually called me and interviewed me, could be me:
'My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.'
So, I have this guy in my life. He's been in my life for years.... we've been friends, we've been lovers, we've fought.... somehow he always keeps coming back into the picture. And now, even though I have moved to another country on another continent, I still keep hearing from him, on a regular basis. My friends think he's an ass... and I know, deep down, that we have no future together. But part of me likes the continuous contact because it does make me feel like he misses me and wants me. The truth is, I think he misses having a no-strings (ahem) fling with the girl who comes at his beck and call. I think it's really more a matter of, 'if I have nobody else, I can always get back with Jennie'. And really, is that who I want to be?
If this were one of my friends I would say drop that loser, get a grip on reality, and find a man who appreciates you.
So why is it that, when it comes to my life, I can't follow my own advice?
'This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love, Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life, But not together.' (happy ending - mika)
'My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.'
So, I have this guy in my life. He's been in my life for years.... we've been friends, we've been lovers, we've fought.... somehow he always keeps coming back into the picture. And now, even though I have moved to another country on another continent, I still keep hearing from him, on a regular basis. My friends think he's an ass... and I know, deep down, that we have no future together. But part of me likes the continuous contact because it does make me feel like he misses me and wants me. The truth is, I think he misses having a no-strings (ahem) fling with the girl who comes at his beck and call. I think it's really more a matter of, 'if I have nobody else, I can always get back with Jennie'. And really, is that who I want to be?
If this were one of my friends I would say drop that loser, get a grip on reality, and find a man who appreciates you.
So why is it that, when it comes to my life, I can't follow my own advice?
'This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love, Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life, But not together.' (happy ending - mika)
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Weird Things I Have Seen in the Last Month
Here are some things that I have seen over the past month that actually made me stop and stare:
1. Stir-up Pants. On Sale. In a store selling current fashions. I almost bought them, just because. And really, stir-up pants make a lot of sense when you consider the boots over jeans trend.
2. A man kissing an owl. Although I generally don't like birds, I do think owls are quite lovely. Not enough to attempt to play tonsil hockey with one. Nor say things like 'come to daddy' or 'daddy loves you'. I was somewhat disturbed by the crazy man and his owls.
3. Today I saw a girl walking down the street in pantyhose and what I can only describe as a t-shirt. Not only was the shirt too short to pair with sheer tights (leggins, maybe, but not sheer tights) but the tights did not fit correctly. You know when the crotch of the tights doesn't actually come up to your crotch.... well that is what was happening here. I should not be able to see the crotch seams of your tights when you are walking down the street.
4. Snow. This might not seem unusual, to a Canadian, except for the fact that it did not snow here until late March. Also, I believe I caused this snow (!!!) when I said to [my true love] 'This is the first winter I have not had snow' only days before. Later he remarked to me that he had thought of me saying that when he saw the snow, so I think it's a good sign for the future of our relationship that he thinks about me in his free time;)
5. On this snow day (and by snow I mean just a few flakes....) it was quite cold. So I ventured off to town in full on snow gear (sweater, coat, mittens, boots). As I am strutting down the street freezing my nipples off, these three girls appear on the sidewalk dressed for what I can only imagine is a night out in Miami in the middle of August. Short sleeveless dresses with NO tights and NO coat. Needless to say they were shivering (duh!!!! it's friggin' snowing!) and then, in this weird apparel, popped into a pub (at 2 in the afternoon) where there CLUB WEAR would be very obviously out of place. At least put on a coat....
6. On one visit to the local pub, we spotted this (older) woman wearing a rolling stones t-shirt and a short skirt dancing around trying to pick up men.... At one point she was sitting on the picnic bench with her legs SPREAD out.... Ermmmmm........ she did get kicked out of the pub.
7. Tim Hortons.... in the middle of freaking London!!!! This sighting was followed by a photoshoot and a lot of passerbys staring at the freakish Canadians who were going wild over a self-serve Tim Hortons in a Spar convenience store.
1. Stir-up Pants. On Sale. In a store selling current fashions. I almost bought them, just because. And really, stir-up pants make a lot of sense when you consider the boots over jeans trend.
2. A man kissing an owl. Although I generally don't like birds, I do think owls are quite lovely. Not enough to attempt to play tonsil hockey with one. Nor say things like 'come to daddy' or 'daddy loves you'. I was somewhat disturbed by the crazy man and his owls.
3. Today I saw a girl walking down the street in pantyhose and what I can only describe as a t-shirt. Not only was the shirt too short to pair with sheer tights (leggins, maybe, but not sheer tights) but the tights did not fit correctly. You know when the crotch of the tights doesn't actually come up to your crotch.... well that is what was happening here. I should not be able to see the crotch seams of your tights when you are walking down the street.
4. Snow. This might not seem unusual, to a Canadian, except for the fact that it did not snow here until late March. Also, I believe I caused this snow (!!!) when I said to [my true love] 'This is the first winter I have not had snow' only days before. Later he remarked to me that he had thought of me saying that when he saw the snow, so I think it's a good sign for the future of our relationship that he thinks about me in his free time;)
5. On this snow day (and by snow I mean just a few flakes....) it was quite cold. So I ventured off to town in full on snow gear (sweater, coat, mittens, boots). As I am strutting down the street freezing my nipples off, these three girls appear on the sidewalk dressed for what I can only imagine is a night out in Miami in the middle of August. Short sleeveless dresses with NO tights and NO coat. Needless to say they were shivering (duh!!!! it's friggin' snowing!) and then, in this weird apparel, popped into a pub (at 2 in the afternoon) where there CLUB WEAR would be very obviously out of place. At least put on a coat....
6. On one visit to the local pub, we spotted this (older) woman wearing a rolling stones t-shirt and a short skirt dancing around trying to pick up men.... At one point she was sitting on the picnic bench with her legs SPREAD out.... Ermmmmm........ she did get kicked out of the pub.
7. Tim Hortons.... in the middle of freaking London!!!! This sighting was followed by a photoshoot and a lot of passerbys staring at the freakish Canadians who were going wild over a self-serve Tim Hortons in a Spar convenience store.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Signs That I Have Had Way Too Much To Drink
When you see these things starting to occur.... please cut me off:
- As with most people, the more drinks I consume, the more information about myself I feel the need to divulge. This generally involves telling virtual strangers all my intimate secrets. I can hear myself doing it, but I can't stop. This is made worse by the fact that my volume tends to rise with each sip.
- Generally I do not use a lot of swear words. I think they sound moronic. However, when I get a few drinks in it becomes necessary to use at least one swear word in every sentence that comes out of my mouth. This might be why people who have never met me sober, think I am a real div.
- Ahhhh the wobbling. Now, I probably think I am doing a sexy strut around the bar. It's more likely I am stumbling all over the place. Things in my pathway tend to get knocked about. This is why I usually try to (A) remain seated or (B) hit the dance floor where I can prop myself up against some horny bloke.
- I get a bit stroppy. Normally I am quite passive. I let things slide. When I'm drinking I am unable to let things go. On one more memorable occasion I shoved a boy I had been seeing across a bar. Another time I threw a drink in a guy's face (in all fairness, he was an ass) which almost resulted in a cat fight with a girl who was standing nearby. Other times I just stomp off and won't talk to anyone, which is probably the safer version of the drunken strop.
- Smoking. This is a throwback to days when I smoked a lot of, ermmm, substances. And the days when I always smoked several ciggies while drinking on a regular basis. I rarely do it these days, except when I've had too much vodka and am pissed off at someone.
- I am a bit flirty, which I rarely am in my sober life. A boy once told me that I flirted with everyone I saw. I think he was a bit jealous, but not far off from the truth. I can be a bit of a flirt when drinking. This is probably because, when I have been drinking in excess, I think everyone loves me. Why wouldn't they? At times the flirting has landed me in hot water.....
- I don't always think things through properly. This has resulted in some moments that must be kept in the vault, only to shudder over from time to time with my bestest friends.
- I am not a drunk dialier... but I am a drunk texter and MSNer. Sometimes I luck out, my messages are so distorted that they are unreadable. Other times I send perfectly clear declarations of love or hatred, whichever the case may be. While everyone has been the victim of these messages from time to time, there is one person who seems to get the bulk of them. Luckily, he takes it in stride.... I'm not sure I would put up with it for 5 years.
- As with most people, the more drinks I consume, the more information about myself I feel the need to divulge. This generally involves telling virtual strangers all my intimate secrets. I can hear myself doing it, but I can't stop. This is made worse by the fact that my volume tends to rise with each sip.
- Generally I do not use a lot of swear words. I think they sound moronic. However, when I get a few drinks in it becomes necessary to use at least one swear word in every sentence that comes out of my mouth. This might be why people who have never met me sober, think I am a real div.
- Ahhhh the wobbling. Now, I probably think I am doing a sexy strut around the bar. It's more likely I am stumbling all over the place. Things in my pathway tend to get knocked about. This is why I usually try to (A) remain seated or (B) hit the dance floor where I can prop myself up against some horny bloke.
- I get a bit stroppy. Normally I am quite passive. I let things slide. When I'm drinking I am unable to let things go. On one more memorable occasion I shoved a boy I had been seeing across a bar. Another time I threw a drink in a guy's face (in all fairness, he was an ass) which almost resulted in a cat fight with a girl who was standing nearby. Other times I just stomp off and won't talk to anyone, which is probably the safer version of the drunken strop.
- Smoking. This is a throwback to days when I smoked a lot of, ermmm, substances. And the days when I always smoked several ciggies while drinking on a regular basis. I rarely do it these days, except when I've had too much vodka and am pissed off at someone.
- I am a bit flirty, which I rarely am in my sober life. A boy once told me that I flirted with everyone I saw. I think he was a bit jealous, but not far off from the truth. I can be a bit of a flirt when drinking. This is probably because, when I have been drinking in excess, I think everyone loves me. Why wouldn't they? At times the flirting has landed me in hot water.....
- I don't always think things through properly. This has resulted in some moments that must be kept in the vault, only to shudder over from time to time with my bestest friends.
- I am not a drunk dialier... but I am a drunk texter and MSNer. Sometimes I luck out, my messages are so distorted that they are unreadable. Other times I send perfectly clear declarations of love or hatred, whichever the case may be. While everyone has been the victim of these messages from time to time, there is one person who seems to get the bulk of them. Luckily, he takes it in stride.... I'm not sure I would put up with it for 5 years.
My All Time Favourite Movies
Most people probably wouldn't peg me as the sappy, romantic type but my taste in movies may point to the contrary.... deep, deep down, I do have a softer side;) Favourite movies of all time:
1. Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken - Most people have never actually heard of this movie. It's about a girl with no real family who runs away and becomes a diving showgirl. Then she is STRUCK BLIND, faces all sorts of obstacles, and then triumphantly returns to the diving arena once again. It really is an inspirational story.... We found it on a trip to Video Visions circa 1992 and I proceeded to watch it over and over on a snow day until it was confiscated from the VCR. A few years later I found a copy on a clearance rack at Shopper's Drug Mart, much to my family's chagrin.
2. Pretty Woman - I first saw Pretty Woman a bajillion years ago when my cousins brought it over to watch while they were baby-sitting. Back then it had an R rating. Today it would probably be considered PG13. Our cousins made us run up stairs during all the 'dirty' parts. This movie makes me want to be a prostitute.... if only to be whisked off into the sunset by Richard Gere and his millions. Probably not an accurate depiction of the world of prostitution, with the exception of Julia's thigh high boots....
3. Dirty Dancing - I learned all my dance moves from this movie.... hahaha I have seen this movie so many times, I could act out the entire sequence word for word. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
4. Bridget Jones' Diary - I think this movie most resembles my life (minus Hugh Grant and Colin Firth (or any blokes for that matter) duking it out for my love). Like Bridget, I am fat, clumsy, and have a love life a carrot wouldn't envy. But, I can laugh about it, at least!
5. Chicago - I am a musical junky. I love belting out the soundtrack (much more appreciated in my living room than in a West End theatre). This movie also reignited my love affair with Richard Gere. He just doesn't know it yet.
6. Jerry Maguire - I used to be a big Tom Cruise fan (now I would really enjoy just giving him a good slap) and this was my favourite Tom Cruise movie. I had dreams about Tom for months afterwards. Then he made Vanilla Sky.... and a whole host of other crap movies.
7. Napoleon Dynamite - This movie is insane!!! Some people don't get Napoleon, but I think it's brilliant. Plus, it encompasses my favourite era - big hair and pouffy sleeved dresses. Love it.
1. Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken - Most people have never actually heard of this movie. It's about a girl with no real family who runs away and becomes a diving showgirl. Then she is STRUCK BLIND, faces all sorts of obstacles, and then triumphantly returns to the diving arena once again. It really is an inspirational story.... We found it on a trip to Video Visions circa 1992 and I proceeded to watch it over and over on a snow day until it was confiscated from the VCR. A few years later I found a copy on a clearance rack at Shopper's Drug Mart, much to my family's chagrin.
2. Pretty Woman - I first saw Pretty Woman a bajillion years ago when my cousins brought it over to watch while they were baby-sitting. Back then it had an R rating. Today it would probably be considered PG13. Our cousins made us run up stairs during all the 'dirty' parts. This movie makes me want to be a prostitute.... if only to be whisked off into the sunset by Richard Gere and his millions. Probably not an accurate depiction of the world of prostitution, with the exception of Julia's thigh high boots....
3. Dirty Dancing - I learned all my dance moves from this movie.... hahaha I have seen this movie so many times, I could act out the entire sequence word for word. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
4. Bridget Jones' Diary - I think this movie most resembles my life (minus Hugh Grant and Colin Firth (or any blokes for that matter) duking it out for my love). Like Bridget, I am fat, clumsy, and have a love life a carrot wouldn't envy. But, I can laugh about it, at least!
5. Chicago - I am a musical junky. I love belting out the soundtrack (much more appreciated in my living room than in a West End theatre). This movie also reignited my love affair with Richard Gere. He just doesn't know it yet.
6. Jerry Maguire - I used to be a big Tom Cruise fan (now I would really enjoy just giving him a good slap) and this was my favourite Tom Cruise movie. I had dreams about Tom for months afterwards. Then he made Vanilla Sky.... and a whole host of other crap movies.
7. Napoleon Dynamite - This movie is insane!!! Some people don't get Napoleon, but I think it's brilliant. Plus, it encompasses my favourite era - big hair and pouffy sleeved dresses. Love it.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
an update
It seems my neighbours (mentioned in my blog a few weeks ago) have cleared out....
Maybe they did read my blog.
Maybe they did read my blog.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The Perfect Man
After years of dating/entertaining/sleeping with the wrong men... I have compiled a list of qualities that I would like in my perfect man....
- A nice head of hair (this is almost impossible to find in England, where the bald gene has seemingly taken over). I would also like to be able to run my fingers through it, not flinch in pain when I am literally scraped by your stiff hair (too much product, anyone?)
- The ability to dress himself, without any female influence, in clothes that are from this decade and sexy. Once a guy showed up for a date in tapered jeans..... I never saw him again. If only that were the WORST fashion victim (flashback to boy in purple shorts, made of like a windsuit material, and no shirt; and I still slept with him (when I was younger and stupider!!!! But still not in the 80s, when these shorts were in style).
- The body of Cristiano Ronaldo.... not grossly muscly, but clearly fit. If I were waking up next to that every morning.... lemme tell ya!!!!
- Nice teeth. I really can't say anything about this one. It's just a hang up.
- A mostly drug-free lifestyle. Maybe he has experimented with drugs in his past, but at this stage in his life no longer needs drugs to function normally. This is not to say the odd night out with the boys is unacceptable. Rather, the perfect man can have sex OR EVEN A CONVERSATION without getting stoned beforehand. Furthermore, unless he is some sort of a collector, the perfect man does not have in excess of 3 pipes, bongs, or other drug paraphenalia. After your very early 20s, being a pot head is no longer normal. The perfect man will not take any hard drugs, either. I would like to have the perfect children.
- A career. There are many things I do not consider to be a career. You may think this makes me a snob. I think it makes me realistic about my financial security. The perfect man will have spent just as long as I have in Uni to get where he is in the world and will make more money than me.
- A brain. I would like to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with my man beyond one or two major interests of his. Talking about scuba diving for two hours doesn't cut it.
- A Bit of Fight. I do not want to date a doormat. I like a man who can spar with me!!! This is not to say that I want to be beaten up by a man, but rather I would like to be with someone who challenges me, rather than lets me have it my way ALL THE TIME. It's nice to get what you want. It's nicer to know you worked for it!
- The perfect man will not be a cheater. There are more cheaters out there than you think! I know this because I have been with many of them. They love their girlfriend but, apparently, not enough to avoid looking in other directions. Some 'cheaters' never actually do anything physical with another woman, but instead send sneaky messages over the internet for months on end to other women telling them how much they want to have sex with them. This is even worse. It tells me that not only is your man slimey.... he's also spineless. The perfect man will know that I am more than enough for him and won't cast his eyes or his penis elsewhere.
- He will be at least 6 feet tall.... Let's face it, I am a big girl and I want a man who balances me out.
- That said, he will be proportionate. I don't want a tall man with a small dick!!!!!
- A sense of humor. The perfect man and I will have intelligent conversations, but we can also sit down and have a laugh at a stupid television show or joke. He will also get my sense of humor.... which is questionable at times.
- The perfect man will be well-travelled and up for much more. We will go to exotic places together and, when we have the perfect children, we will take them to fun and interesting places as well.
If you see this man, please contact me ASAP. I am not as young as I used to be.
- A nice head of hair (this is almost impossible to find in England, where the bald gene has seemingly taken over). I would also like to be able to run my fingers through it, not flinch in pain when I am literally scraped by your stiff hair (too much product, anyone?)
- The ability to dress himself, without any female influence, in clothes that are from this decade and sexy. Once a guy showed up for a date in tapered jeans..... I never saw him again. If only that were the WORST fashion victim (flashback to boy in purple shorts, made of like a windsuit material, and no shirt; and I still slept with him (when I was younger and stupider!!!! But still not in the 80s, when these shorts were in style).
- The body of Cristiano Ronaldo.... not grossly muscly, but clearly fit. If I were waking up next to that every morning.... lemme tell ya!!!!
- Nice teeth. I really can't say anything about this one. It's just a hang up.
- A mostly drug-free lifestyle. Maybe he has experimented with drugs in his past, but at this stage in his life no longer needs drugs to function normally. This is not to say the odd night out with the boys is unacceptable. Rather, the perfect man can have sex OR EVEN A CONVERSATION without getting stoned beforehand. Furthermore, unless he is some sort of a collector, the perfect man does not have in excess of 3 pipes, bongs, or other drug paraphenalia. After your very early 20s, being a pot head is no longer normal. The perfect man will not take any hard drugs, either. I would like to have the perfect children.
- A career. There are many things I do not consider to be a career. You may think this makes me a snob. I think it makes me realistic about my financial security. The perfect man will have spent just as long as I have in Uni to get where he is in the world and will make more money than me.
- A brain. I would like to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with my man beyond one or two major interests of his. Talking about scuba diving for two hours doesn't cut it.
- A Bit of Fight. I do not want to date a doormat. I like a man who can spar with me!!! This is not to say that I want to be beaten up by a man, but rather I would like to be with someone who challenges me, rather than lets me have it my way ALL THE TIME. It's nice to get what you want. It's nicer to know you worked for it!
- The perfect man will not be a cheater. There are more cheaters out there than you think! I know this because I have been with many of them. They love their girlfriend but, apparently, not enough to avoid looking in other directions. Some 'cheaters' never actually do anything physical with another woman, but instead send sneaky messages over the internet for months on end to other women telling them how much they want to have sex with them. This is even worse. It tells me that not only is your man slimey.... he's also spineless. The perfect man will know that I am more than enough for him and won't cast his eyes or his penis elsewhere.
- He will be at least 6 feet tall.... Let's face it, I am a big girl and I want a man who balances me out.
- That said, he will be proportionate. I don't want a tall man with a small dick!!!!!
- A sense of humor. The perfect man and I will have intelligent conversations, but we can also sit down and have a laugh at a stupid television show or joke. He will also get my sense of humor.... which is questionable at times.
- The perfect man will be well-travelled and up for much more. We will go to exotic places together and, when we have the perfect children, we will take them to fun and interesting places as well.
If you see this man, please contact me ASAP. I am not as young as I used to be.
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