Signs That I Have Had Way Too Much To Drink

When you see these things starting to occur.... please cut me off:

- As with most people, the more drinks I consume, the more information about myself I feel the need to divulge. This generally involves telling virtual strangers all my intimate secrets. I can hear myself doing it, but I can't stop. This is made worse by the fact that my volume tends to rise with each sip.

- Generally I do not use a lot of swear words. I think they sound moronic. However, when I get a few drinks in it becomes necessary to use at least one swear word in every sentence that comes out of my mouth. This might be why people who have never met me sober, think I am a real div.

- Ahhhh the wobbling. Now, I probably think I am doing a sexy strut around the bar. It's more likely I am stumbling all over the place. Things in my pathway tend to get knocked about. This is why I usually try to (A) remain seated or (B) hit the dance floor where I can prop myself up against some horny bloke.

- I get a bit stroppy. Normally I am quite passive. I let things slide. When I'm drinking I am unable to let things go. On one more memorable occasion I shoved a boy I had been seeing across a bar. Another time I threw a drink in a guy's face (in all fairness, he was an ass) which almost resulted in a cat fight with a girl who was standing nearby. Other times I just stomp off and won't talk to anyone, which is probably the safer version of the drunken strop.

- Smoking. This is a throwback to days when I smoked a lot of, ermmm, substances. And the days when I always smoked several ciggies while drinking on a regular basis. I rarely do it these days, except when I've had too much vodka and am pissed off at someone.

- I am a bit flirty, which I rarely am in my sober life. A boy once told me that I flirted with everyone I saw. I think he was a bit jealous, but not far off from the truth. I can be a bit of a flirt when drinking. This is probably because, when I have been drinking in excess, I think everyone loves me. Why wouldn't they? At times the flirting has landed me in hot water.....

- I don't always think things through properly. This has resulted in some moments that must be kept in the vault, only to shudder over from time to time with my bestest friends.

- I am not a drunk dialier... but I am a drunk texter and MSNer. Sometimes I luck out, my messages are so distorted that they are unreadable. Other times I send perfectly clear declarations of love or hatred, whichever the case may be. While everyone has been the victim of these messages from time to time, there is one person who seems to get the bulk of them. Luckily, he takes it in stride.... I'm not sure I would put up with it for 5 years.