Dedicated to Christie, the one and only fan of my blog!!
- I thought this one was pretty well known, but apparently not: Do not talk excessively about your ex girlfriend. One comment about your ex girlfriend is fine. However if, by the end of the date, I know more about your ex girlfriend than you it starts to become obvious that you are not yet over her. Thus you cannot devote all your attention to me!!!
The only time I am really interested in hearing about your ex girlfriend is in this scenario: You, the boy I have been eyeing for several Thursdays and Fridays, casually mention an 'EX girlfriend' in a sentence. My reply, 'O really, and your current girlfriend......?'
- While telling a story about a friend who was involved in a serious accident, you use the phrase 'When I heard about the accident I rung him up and told him he deserved to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair'.
- You inform me of your dislike of every single person you have ever met. My flatmate, can't stand him. That Australian guy, what a loser. My coworkers, I hate them. This Canadian girl I went on a date with one time.....
- After I have spent an incredibly busy day teaching, sorting out children's arguments, and dealing with parents; then spend an hour on the tube to meet you for dinner at some pretentious London restaurant clearly intending to impress me with your net worth, you spend the entire night uttering phrases like, 'teachers never do any work', 'teaching is the easiest job in the world', and 'how can you be tired, you've only been teaching all day'. Yes, I am aware teaching isn't as difficult as pushing paper around a desk all day, but at least humour me.
- You refuse to take the tube ONE STOP to a restaurant because you don't want to have to come back for your car. This would be fine if it did not take 45 minutes to drive there in London traffic and then attempt to find somewhere to park. Did I mention I've been teaching all day and am hungry?
- When we finally do arrive at crappy restaurant, please just sit at the table the waiter leads us to. Do not ask to change tables THREE TIMES. Did I mention I was HUNGRY?
- If you do decide you want to have sex with me on the first date, you better make sure your damn good. At least if you wait, I may have developped an attachment to you before realising you were lame in the sack.
- Do not mention the other 56 Canadian girls you have dated. I don't want to be a notch on your Canadian girl belt. Note: This one only applies for dating in a foreign country:P
- Do not wear tapered jeans. No one wears tapered jeans. They are not cool.
- Do not bring flowers. Some girls like this. I think it's stupid on a first date. Then I have to carry them around for the whole crappy date. Really, if it's a crappy date, do I want a clear indicator that I am WITH you? No!!! I am already looking for my next date.
- Try to listen when I am speaking to you. The third time you ask me the SAME question, I begin to get annoyed.
- Do not plan our future before I even get through my appetizer. Some girls might find this charming, but phrases like 'I will take you to such and such a place some weekend' and 'maybe Saturday you can meet my friends' have me searching for the nearest exit. (However, this is acceptable if I am clearly into you and am already planning our wedding in my head).
- Do not ask the question ' Why doesn't a girl like you have a boyfriend already'? How do I answer that! 'Well.... I guess you should know now that I have a wretched personality and no one can stand to be with me. How about a second date?'
Will keep all my loving fans posted as the dating nightmare that is my life continues.
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