Ok. Have you ever pined away for someone for an eternity with no result? Slept with them a million times only to get a nice 'it's been great, let's do it again'. And you think to yourself, well, they must like you. They keep calling you, don't they? But then you think to yourself... hmmmm, no one actually knows this relationship exists except for the two of you and all your dates seem confined to his bedroom... and so you begin this process of self-loathing. Yeah, I'm good enough to sleep with but apparently not good enough to be seen with in public. I'm like a hooker who doesn't even get paid. I must be ugly. No, I must be disgusting. And not only am I hideously ugly but I also have such a terrible personality that I can't even win him over with that.
Eventually, after many tears and many calls to girlfriends who are sick and tired of hearing about this tumultuous love affair, you decide OK I am going to sever ties once and for all. Perhaps you move to another town or another continent. You're off living your life. New job, new friends, new man. Life is good. You've all but forgotten about He Whose Name Shall Never Be Mentioned. Then, the icing on the cake.....
One day you're browsing on facebook and up pops a picture of HWNSNBM and his new GIRLFRIEND (by gf, I mean a person who has actually prompted him to change his facebook status to In a Relationship when the whole time you were sleeping with him it was a great big fat blinking SINGLE). And you think to yourself FUCKING EH (not to be petty or anything), I AM MUCH BETTER LOOKING THEN THIS (at least I hope so).
This is when the real self-loathing begins.
At least if new girlfriend was a searing hot beauty then you wouldn't feel THAT bad. I mean, then you would know that he just had really impossibly high standards.... But when someone is not as good looking as you then you really start to wonder do I just think I'm better looking (when really I'm not). And is my personality really SO bad that even that couldn't win him over (as clearly looks are no longer a major factor).
And then, as though you're not feeling badly enough already, you feel even worse that (a) you're sitting here writing a nasty blog about some poor girl you don't even know, (b) it affects you this much after all this time, and (c) the secret dream you've been harboring that you will lose 20 pounds, get a new haircut, and sidle back into town and win this bloke over is now clearly a pipe dream as it is quite obvious that if you couldn't win his love in 5 years and new girlfriend is no supermodel anyway then perhaps HE JUST ISN'T THAT INTO YOU.
It's a hard pill to swallow. Guess I'll need a big glass of water.
No comments:
Post a Comment