The Perils of the Gladiator Boot

Don't get me wrong, I think the gladiator sandals are cute. In fact, I own a pair! But the gladiator sandals have morphed into something more extreme. The gladiator boot.

There are many versions of the gladiator boot, each as hideous as the first. Basically, the gladiator boot began as a gladiator sandal that morphed into something much more extreme.

What I think it most disturbing about the gladiator boot, is all the holes and crevices for fat calves to hang out of (because you know someone with chunky calves is going to buy these boots). Really they remind me of something a monster would wear in a horror movie.

But when you think about it, the gladiator boot is probably more historically realistic than the gladiator sandal. I mean really, can you picture big, burly gladiators heading off into a war with flimsy little sandals on their feet? Most likely they wore boots just like these! Their big, muscular calves bulging out of all the little crevices. A rash forming where sweat has gotten stuck behind all the leather bits. Later, after the war, the gladiators would peel the leather gladiator boots from their bloody, war-torn skin. A real sexy image. However, most drawings depict gladiators wearing sheilds strapped onto their shins (just imagine if this had become the trend!!! you would see all these skinny, petite fashionistas trying to haul themselves around with shields heavier than they are strapped onto their scrawny legs!).

Anyway, as I was doing my normal patrol of the mall today (or whatever you English folk want to call the place with all the shops), I spied the gladiator boots in a high end shoe store. I think you have to see it to believe how ugly it really is. This particular boot had ties up the front (like the kind of boots Goths wear) and in the back it had a big zipper!!!! I wanted to try it on just for a laugh (but didn't, because the bitches who work at this shoe store look like they have never had a laugh in their whole lives). This made me think about what people might wear with the gladiator boots (this summer's sexiest accessory).

Some ideas:

Gladiator Boots + a Prom dress (just don't trod on your date's feet)

Gladiator Boots + Hot Pants (distract wandering eyes from your cellulite)

Gladiator Boots + A String Bikini (a sexy twist on beach ware)

Gladiator Boots + Five Sticks of Black Eyeliner (see the Olsen twins for inspiration)

Oh yes.... have I mentioned the average price of the Gladiator Boot? For this shockingly hideous footware, be prepared to shell out in excess of 60 quid. A real bargain.